My Chosen Children

I Have a Secret: The Girls

I have a secret but I have decided that maybe writing about it or rather them, will help me work it out.  I was researching something on the internet and honestly, I don’t even remember what it was.  Somehow I ended up on Adoption.com’s photolisting of children available for adoption.

I was browsing through the kids in my state and reading their stories.  I clicked on Next and there they were; my girls.  I guess I should say the girls but I have read their profile and looked at their pictures so often that I have really begun to feel like they are mine.    It was their pictures that started me on this journey back into foster parenting.

I have been telling myself over and over again that I don’t think I could handle two twin girls with severe developmental issues by myself.  I have researched autism as if they don’t have autism, the description is of something remarkably similar.  I have told myself that I am too old, too ADD, too….

I don’t seem to be listening.  I did decide that I wanted to go back into foster parenting.  Dreaming about the girls made me realize that children is what is missing in my life.  I started looking into foster care and I quit going out to adoption.com to look at their profile.

I have never felt like God was sending me a message before so this is kind of new to me.  I decided that it was about foster care and so I explored it and ended up back in training.  Apparently that is not enough because I was researching foster care laws in my state and ended up on Adoptuskids.org and who was staring at me off the screen but my two girls.

I still don’t think I can handle them alone.  I still think I am too old to give them the kind of lifelong committment they may need.  I sent in a request through adopt us kids last week.  They sent me a list of Social Service agencies in my state and said get a homestudy.  Ok, yes, I knew they were going to say this. My hope was that they would send me the agency who had the girls so I could get more information.

Today I sent an email to my contact at the Department of Social Services.  I asked if she could find out any information on the girls.  I have talked to her a couple of times about foster care and really got along well with her.  So I guess now I will wait and see.

I would really like to find out more about their challenges.  I’d like to see if I might be able to handle it.  I’d like to reach out and hug them.  Regardless of what happens, I will always think of them as my girls even if I never meet them.  They hold a place in my heart and they have already made a difference in my life.

Filed under General |