Sexual Abuse in Children
Last night’s training had a section on parenting a sexually abused child. It truly bothers me… a lot, that 1 in every 4 girls are sexually abused with a large percentage happening between the ages of 8 and 12. Boys fare a little better, only 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused. I knew it happened, I’ve been around awhile but 1 out of every 4? What are people thinking? An 8 year old girl is not much more than a baby!
The American Psychological Association states that “a central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity.” What makes me the angriest is this is usually someone that they know and should be able to trust. How would you ever trust anyone if your father or your uncle used their power to sexually abuse you?
How would you feel if you found out that the man in your life was abusing your child when he tucked her into bed and read her a story? Or your baby sitter’s boyfriend? Or your neighbor? Better than that, how would you even find out? The child is unlikely to tell you as they have usually been threatened, guilted, bribed into secrecy. The man in your life is unlikely to say “Oh by the way… ”
The only way you will find out is if you are aware of the signs of abuse. Children who have been sexually abused may have many problems from it. Depression, anxiety, regressing to an earlier age (bed wetting, thumb sucking, etc), guilt, fear, withdrawal and acting out. One of the strongest indicators of sexual abuse is a child with inappropriate knowledge of sexual acts, sexual interest, and sexual acting out by that child.
The best defense, in this case, is a good offense. There is a great list of tips to help protect your children at the APA website. The biggest one is to teach your children about their bodies. Let them know that it is not ok for anyone to touch their private parts even an adult. Most important of all, if your child is reluctant or afraid to visit or spend time with an adult, pay attention, talk to them and listen. Believe them!
If you suspect sexual abuse in your own child or any child, report it and make sure that your child gets therapy. Sexual abuse can have effects that reach into adulthood. It is not something to try to deal with on your own.
A good deal of our training centers on exploring our own feelings about abused children, their behaviors and about the family of the children. We do quite a few exercises relating to how we feel about certain cases and how we would react. It really does make you think about what you might be faced with when you have foster children or any children for that matter.
Geesh, 1 in 4! So those 20 cute little girls standing in line for lunch, 5 of them have been sexually abused! FIVE out of 20, 20 out of 100! Can you tell how I feel?
Filed under Training | Comment (1)Does PRIDE Training Really Prepare You?
Obviously my initial 4 or 5 hours of training did not prepare me for dealing with a preteen boy with multiple physical and emotional issues. The training I am going through now is much more in depth and has addressed some of the needs of a child who has attachment issues but I still wonder if it goes far enough.
I’m not going to sugar coat the doubts that I have. I believe that if you don’t question yourself then you really won’t be prepared for the issues you may encounter in caring for these children who have been through so much. I listen to the people in my class and I see myself 5 years ago. Wonderful caring people who want to make a difference in a child’s life but who really aren’t understanding the challenges in raising a special needs child.
Statements such as… “No kid is going to get up in my face. They will go right back the first time.” or “Oh no, no, I’m not going to have a child lying to me. There is just no reason to lie.” Or, “I’ll just play video games with them. It worked with my own kids.”
These are not bad people, they are wonderful, caring people who just don’t ‘get it’ yet. I know the instructor is trying to prepare them slowly. We went over discipline last night and the instructor was pretty honest about the level of anger that some of the kids experience and why they go through it. It’s the first time that he has actually gone much into behavior issues.
And of course, I am judging by my own experience with J but I have to remember that all children are different. They may not all react with so much anger, defiance and indifference. Maybe I am being negative but then I would rather be prepared this time. If I had known how to respond earlier then the outcome might have been different. So I make a pain of myself in class. I question everything until I am sure that I understand it.
Things I would like to see included in PRIDE training:
- Current Experienced Foster Parents - Their input could make the training so ‘real’ and could bring in some perspective of therapeutic foster care.
- Teen Issues– the teenage years are challenging for any child and it seems that most of training is focused on younger children. What specific issues might a foster child have during this age? How to deal with peer issues, etc.
- Special Needs — They tell us that we will be fostering special needs children but they never really go into what those might be. An introduction to some of them would be helpful.
Was there anything that you wish had been covered in training?
Filed under Training | Comments (2)